Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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