Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
