I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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