I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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