You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
