there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
