jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
