My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I love you. Go after that dick
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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