Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
