is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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