I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
