I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
