HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
