1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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