I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
