What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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