whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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