is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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