Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
