she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
