I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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