Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
