wat bout pragnant strippers??
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
