U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize