Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Houston, we have a squirter
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
