Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
