$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize