We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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