Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
