about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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