a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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