I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
