Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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