I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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