ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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