I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
