the new term for farting is butt boxing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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