My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
