im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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