Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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