Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
