She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
