Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
