My first STD was from a foam party
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
