either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
