bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
