If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
