TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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