I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
