Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
