I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
