but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
