mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
