By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
