I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize