you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
