Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
