My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
