if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
