The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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