Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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