fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize