I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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