when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize